It's okay to not be okay...
“Don’t cry”
“You have nothing to be sad about”
“Everything is fine”
How many times have we heard these statements in our lives? A tough situation happens and everyone has something to say. They think they are helping but not so much. Truly there is nothing helpful about these statements. You see human beings were created to be relational and emotive creatures. It is part of what sets us apart from other species. We can love. We can hate. We can hope. We can dream. We can. We do.
It is literally part of our DNA. It is part of how our bodies function. It is the way our brains, our hearts and our guts (more on that) work. To tell someone to not feel is like telling someone to not breathe. It is a natural and sometimes involuntary bodily function. However, feelings are big, scary things. Many adults don’t know how to feel, understand, manage and express their emotions. For children it is easier when they are young, but we as a society teach them that expressing their emotions is bad or wrong. Saying things like “don’t cry” and “it’s not that big of a deal” teaches children not to express their emotions and not to attach emotion to difficult or stressful situations.
Another interesting thing about our bodies is the heart, brain, gut (yes, gut) connection. Research actually shows that we have three brains. The same neurons that are in our brain, are in our heart and are in our gut. The heart talks to the brain which talks to the gut which talks to the heart. See the connection there? This means that our bodies are always sending little emotions throughout the brain, heart and gut. We can also then feel with our hearts. Anyone ever been told they feel too much? We can also feel with our gut. Ever had that gut punch feeling? And we feel with our brains. Thoughts are swirling. Feelings are swirling.
The very first step that each of us can do is STOP….stop right now and acknowledge the biological nature of feelings. Stop! Stop judging, shaming or blaming someone for being a human being. Stop! Stop holding it all in.
In our next blog post, we will share some coping skills for what you do when you stop holding it in and START working through and processing our stuff.
But, in order to support and make sense of the emotions, we have to take away the shame. We must no longer judge those who….are just being human beings. And, acknowledge the good work that therapists like those at Hope and Healing Psychotherapy can do to help you heal from the hurts, grow in your own strength and share hope with the world.