Is it lazy? Or is it just not knowing how to stop?
As a therapist, lazy is a word I hear often. I hear it from people who feel that they “wasted” their weekend and weren’t productive enough. I hear it from moms and dads who have a never-ending to-do list but lack the “motivation” to get up and get to it. I hear it from parents of teenagers who are frustrated with their kids’ uncanny ability to sleep until the afternoon.
Here’s the truth: I don’t really believe in laziness. I understand it’s a real word of course, but I think it’s a *symptom* of the real problem. You’re feeling lazy because you have mountains of laundry to sort and put away but lack the energy to do it. Lazy is the symptom but the cause may be that you haven’t given yourself any down time recently. You’re feeling frustrated with your son because you’ve asked him to clean his room several times and he’s still laying down playing video games. It sure looks like he’s being lazy, but perhaps he’s full of anxiety and stress that is keeping him frozen in this loop of inactivity.
What many think of as laziness can often be symptoms of several diagnoses, such as major depression, various anxiety disorders, PTSD, ADHD, etc. Our brain can truly only process so much at a time. Of course having lazy feelings or tendencies does not mean you have one of these disorders, but it’s an example that there are many legitimate reasons for feeling lazy.
Lamenting about how lazy you or your loved ones are typically won’t stop the behavior. Compassion and understanding can usually go much further. Next time you’re tempted to call yourself lazy, ask yourself if you *need* a break. When was the last time you let yourself do “nothing” for a while? Rest, relax, restore? Our culture often doesn’t view those things as real activities. Doing “nothing” is actually accomplishing something! Just like in exercise when your body needs a day of rest, your mind deserves rest as well. Sometimes it can be helpful to plan to rest. Whether it be a whole day or just a couple hours, schedule yourself some time to rest and do what brings you the restoration you need! Challenge those blaming thoughts that say you “should” be doing something else (challenge every thought that includes the word “should”!). Remember that giving yourself the rest you need can better prepare to tackle those tasks that are on your mind!
Written by: Meredith Drumm, LCPC, CCTP
